Notes: Here's the deal. I'm writing this story as I post it, so there might
be delays between parts
This is set JUST after 'Higher
Power/Ocean on Fire'... might be AU as I'm not sure that I want seaQuest to
have been destroyed... we'll see. I think I'll go with the ep. as is...
Disclaimer: I do not own seaQuest or any of the characters belonging to it,
or anything else dervived directly from the information presented in the
series itself. The story and all subsequent parts are copyright to E.
Casale, 1999. Do not post this on to anyone without permission. Chance, you
can archive it if you like. I do not want it archived anywhere else however.
Warnings and rating: I don't know how high the rating on this will be, but
it could be up to R. I seriously doubt it however. It should be PG-15 at the
most. Will include violence/bloodshed, depression, mental angst, possibly
torture/degrading treatment, possibly suicide/murder, possibly non-con sex
inuendo
Dedication: To AT, a great friend, a brilliant writer, to remind her that
there's someone thinking of her.:) And to Cora... just for being:)
Hugs to Diena... hope you feel better soon, lovely:) And thanks to everyone
who has been encouraging me to write and post through my dry patch.:)
Copyright E.Casale, 1999
‘Cowards die many times before their deaths. The valiant never taste of
death but once.’
Lawrence Wolenzak sat in the plush swing-seat, of the luxuriously appointed
UEO safe-house, watched the sun set behind the sea, staining the heavens
with red and pink, and blazing across the water as if reaching fiery
hell-fingers to claim the man and drag him down with the last of the light.
Taking a large swallow of his martini, he rocked the seat back a bit and
then let it swing slowly back and forth, but the rhythmic rocking brought no
comfort. Indeed, he doubted there was comfort for him anywhere in this
world. Cowardice had held Lawrence Wolenczak’s hand throughout his life and,
disguised beneath his genius, was seldom seen by others. But it had mandated
many actions over the years… and, more particularly, many inactions. And
now, faced with the ultimate non-action of his life, he knew that he would
do as he what he had always done- nothing. Even at the cost of his only son’s life.
Even at that cost. True cowardice knew no cost, or reason, or rhyme to dance
one way or the other by… It simply dictated the safest path, and Lawrence
Wolenczak could not follow any other. Could not follow another path for
love, for duty… to dispel the disgust on the faces of the men who were
guarding him… It made no difference but that this cowardice was the worst to
endure, for it showed that, ultimately, for all his great intellectual
prowess, he was a pitiful human being, and an even more pitiful excuse for a
father.
He downed the rest of his drink in one violent swallow and called rudely for
another drink to be brought, as if the men protecting him were his servants.
No one answered, at which he was little surprised. The disgust showed
through even on the most tightly controlled of the stone-chiselled faces,
and he could not blame them. He was disgusted by himself, horrified at the
extent of his own cowardice which had never yet been so revealed in stark
truth. But he had known all along, from the first this started, that he
would do nothing, say nothing… and remain here safe. Maybe he would hate
himself for the rest of his life, and deservedly so, but even that could not
reach beyond his cowardice, so overwhelming as it was.
No, nothing could move him to get past that simple thing… fear.
Self-loathing he could understand, and even welcome as a punishment for his
own impotence. Hatred from those around him… even that. For certain, he knew
all the reasons why he was doing the sensible thing, that his son was dead
anyway… but what parent would not take even the tiniest chance of their
child still being alive and endeavour with their life to prove it true? A
parent with a lot more guts than Lawrence Wolenczak had ever come across in
himself, and he sincerely doubted that, at the age of fifty-five, he would
find any new reserves of strength of character in himself. Even when he
thought of his son… standing on the beach, wide eyed and scared… their close
embrace at being reunited, alive and safe… The smile on that trusting face,
reflecting even to the depths of those blue, blue eyes, blond hair flying
into them as always…
Another sigh, as the last of the sun’s crimson rim fell beneath the waves.
He was too much a coward to have even told his wife… or let anyone else be
informed… Perhaps his son could have been saved if he had, but he was,
again, prevented by fear- of ridicule, of hatred in more and more faces, of
disgust, when he was used to respect and awe… His son. He gave a bitter bark
of a laugh at that. He wasn’t fit to have a child- had never been and had
known it all to well, but he had wanted to see his genes and his brains live
on and thrive in a son… a son who had excelled all expectations and met with
only disappointment in both of his immature and self-centred parents.
Lawrence Wolenczak was not deluded into thinking he was anything more than
he was- a complete failure as a father. He had not even done the decent
thing of letting someone else have charge of his son. Pride. Pride and fear
and cowardice, what a mix as a man’s defining characteristics.
Bridger… Bridger was a man who would do well to have a son… Would have made
sure that his son had survived, if he had only had the sense to push down
his pride and admit that the man was far fitter than he to care and love for
a child. And Bridger did live Lucas, Lawrence knew. Loved him and could do
for him a myriad of things that his true father couldn’t. It seemed that
they had both lost a son- he one of the flesh, and Bridger one of the heart.
And God-knows he owed the man a chance at saving the boy’s life… And had
refused to give it. And now, when it was too late, he would pass off the
mess to the captain of the seaQuest, and let him deal with the fall out,
pick up the pieces, bury the body, when they found it… if they found it… Too
much of a coward even to take care of this for his only child…
Too much of a bastard to even know how to grieve properly, for how could a
father mourn in all honesty when he knew quite well that his son was dead
because of him… that he had signed his only child’s death warrant… or would
have if he had had the courage to do anything more than let his child die
while he hid. He could not even grieve for his loss, because it was a loss
he had mandated by his inaction and his own cowardice, knowing quite well
what he did… having ample time to change his mind… and still condemning his
son.
No, he didn’t deserve the release of mourning- he had given up his rights to
it when he had refused to do anything to save his son. He hardened his
features in the dying light and stared across the water. At least there were
people who would grieve for his child’s passing, even if his father were not
included in that number.
Lucas gave his father a last, tight hug and then stood back, next to Bridger
and Kristen. “ Be safe,” he said quietly, at which Lawrence smiled and
nodded.
“ I will. I don’t know when I’ll be able to get in touch… but I will. I
promise.” With that, he ducked and climbed into the waiting car, the UEO
security agent immediately slamming shut the door to the back-seat and then
going to take his place in the front of the car. Lawrence looked at his son
through the dark, one-way glass of the windows, and smiled to himself.
Something had been restored between father and son… something that had been
missing or broken for a long time. For the first time since his son had gone
to live on the seaQuest, parent and child had been able to smile honestly at
each other, in person. The boy looked well, he reflected, as he watched
Captain Bridger lay a hand on his son’s shoulder. What was more, he looked
happy… Even though his home had just been destroyed and his father was going
into hiding after the fiasco of the world power plant disaster.
It would probably be a while before he saw his son again, but that was no
different from how things had been for many years. And he was in good hands:
capable and caring hands. Even in their short acquaintance, he had been able
to tell that the captain of the seaQuest cared deeply for Lucas, something
that gave Lawrence pause for both jealously and relief. As the car revved up
and then pulled away from the trio, his son raising a hand in farewell, he
turned to face the front of the vehicle. One and a half hours after arriving
on the beach of New Cape Quest in a seaQuest launch, having been rescued
from the failing base on operations for the power plant, he was being taken
into protective custody.
Not only were there countless investors who would be losing huge sums of
money, but there were many embarrassed scientist, politicians, military men…
the list was pretty much endless. Of course, the power plants that would
have gone out of business would probably be very happy… Unfortunately, there
were just too many important and powerful people who were not only angry,
even furious, but wanted a certain genius scientist dead. Wolenczak LTD, but
those wonderful, final three letters, would mean that the impressive private
fortune that the doctor owned, would be intact. And that was more than
enough to pay for the most luxurious of lives for the rest of his days.
And, thankfully, Secretary General Noyce, who was a close personal friend,
had arranged this safe-house for him, from the house itself, to the men
assigned to protect the now-infamous doctor. He knew he would be safe,
though that did not mean that he was not still terrified, but it was a
modified terror. And his humiliation and grief for a decade’s worth of lost
work was a good distraction.
Nathan squeezed Lucas’ shoulder as Lawrence Wolenczak’s car disappeared
behind the buildings of the UEO storage area on the docks, near the beach
where the rest of the crew were still sitting, waiting to be told what was
to happen next. Nathan squinted at the sun, shielding his eyes with his free
hand. “I have a brilliant idea,” he confided to the other two.
Kristen arched an elegant eyebrow. “ Pray, let’s hear. I’ve heard some
wonderful things from concussed patients and I’m sure you will be able to
grace us with something truly impressive,” she said dryly.
The captain rolled his eyes and grinned at Lucas, wrapping an arm about the
boy’s shoulders. “ Kristen, I’ve told you; I’m not concussed. You even
checked my eyes!”
Kristen wrinkled her nose in dismissal. “ It’s hardly a conclusive test,
Nathan. We’ll see the proof of it when you tell us your epiphany.”
“ A barbecue… on the beach…” Bridger told them proudly, beaming at his plan
Kristen gave him a baleful stare “ Krieg has already called the fast-food
company he wants to work for and told them that, if they give him a
managerial job, they can cater to several hundred starved sailors, the bill
going to the UEO. I would have thought you could have come up with something
better than that, concussed or otherwise. Really, you should be ashamed of
yourself for setting such a poor example of ingenious thinking!” she
mock-scolded him.
Bridger sighed heavily, wrapping an arm over Lucas’ shoulders and flicking
the boy on the nose with a finger. “ Remember, kid, never date a smart
woman. They’re a pain-in-the-proverbial,” he whispered to the boy, who
choked on a laugh.
“ We are going to talk, Nathan Hale Bridger,” Kristen vowed darkly, eyes
dancing with mischief, as she turned and marched off towards the beach.
“ Look like you’re really in trouble this time,” Lucas told the captain with
a wide grin.
“ Tell me about it, kiddo. Tell me about it,” Bridger sighed as he steered
the youngster slowly after Kristen’s retreating back. “ But she’s damn cute
when she’s angry.”
Lucas glanced up and Bridger from the corner of his eye. “ No offence… but I
really do not want to know.”
“ Oh?” Bridger asked, raising an eyebrow. “ I thought teenagers loved to
talk about sex,” he said, at which Lucas went bright-red with embarrassment,
and the captain had to laugh. “ Don’t worry. I don’t think it’s on the
agenda for this afternoon… and, besides, Kristen is going to be spending the
rest of the day paying me back for that little comment.”
“ Then why did you say it if you knew if was going to make her mad?” the
teenager queried, confused.
“ Kristen was already on the warpath. Better to go out with style if you
gotta go. Now, let’s hurry up before Ortiz and Crocker make short work of
the burgers. I don’t know about you, but sinking a ship makes me really
hungry.” Lucas stopped short, the smile on his face fading as he looked at
the captain. Nathan sighed and squeezed Lucas’ shoulder. “ Lucas, it’s OK.
No one, least of all me, thinks you did anything wrong or that this is
somehow you’re fault; it’s not.”
Lucas shrugged, looking down at the ground as he scuffed his shoe across the
pavement. “ Yeah, maybe…”
Nathan pulled the boy around to face him and raised his chin with a gentle
hand. “ I’m not mad at you because your dad screwed up, kid. I’m not mad at
you at all. I’m glad I did what I did. I’m sorry about the boat; we all are
because it was our home… Hey, hey… I’m still talking here,” the captain
chided gently when Lucas tried to look away. “ It was our home… But a boat
is replaceable… Pretty damn expensive to replace, but what made it home is
its purpose and its crew… We’re all alive and there’s plenty more out there
to discover. So, we’ll be grounded for a few months- we all need a break.
And, besides, I think it’s about time you finished off your degree so I can
be calling you Dr. Lucas,” Bridger teased, shaking the boy’s shoulder
lightly, relieved at Lucas’ slight answering smile. “ There’s nothing here
to feel guilty about. We’re all safe and everything else… well, in
comparison, it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing here that’s been lost really
matters. I don’t know about what you think, but seaQuest wasn’t important to
me because of being… what was important was that she embodied my beliefs…
and I’ve still got all those, right here,” he said, tapping his forehead.
Got it?” Lucas stared at the captain and then smiled warmly, still looking
rather subdued, but Bridger knew that, considering the situation, the smile
was a damn-good sign. “ OK. Ready for some lunch now?”
The boy nodded silently, and they strolled off to the beach, Nathan arm
about Lucas’ shoulders, hugging the boy to him.
Ben looked up from chatting with one of the delivery-men from the fast food
chain that had happily provided one thousand burgers and enough chips to
fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool, and waved when he saw the captain and
computer genius approaching. Nathan stopped as several crew-men approached
him. He smiled at Lucas and then gave the boy a gentle push in Krieg’s
direction, at which the teenager wended his way through the crowd to arrive
at the moral officer’s side. Ben grinned as he looked from the teenager to
the galley crew, arguing amiably with the delivery-men about where to set up
the barbecues, and who was to cook the large amounts of food.
The supply officer grinned and folded his arms contentedly over his chest.
Think I’m set for life,” he said happily, grinning as his ex-wife sauntered
up to them. “ Hey, Katie, watcha think of my career chances now, huh?”
The lieutenant commander glanced from Krieg to the mess-crew on the beach
and thought for a moment. “ I don’t know, Ben. Depends how they feel about
not getting paid for all this.”
Krieg looked at her, his smile freezing. “ What do you mean, not getting
paid. Of course they’re getting paid… They are getting paid, right? Katie,
Katie, what’s going on? This is my career on the line, Katie…”
The third in command shrugged her shoulders. “ Oh… just that I heard
something Noyce was saying to Jonathon about being very happy with the
situation because he’d seen that the trucks were up to UEO regulations for
transporting food, so he’d be able to get the company to forget the free
unless they wanted to get slapped with an order banning them from business
for a month…”
“ This is not happening to me… this is just not going to happen to me, OK?
Not today. I have just lost a hundred special edition music disks in this
fiasco. I am not going to wind up without a job as well. Why is this
happening to me?” he wailed, sinking down on the sand and dropping his head
between his knees.
Katie crouched and put a hand on his shoulder. “ Oh, I don’t know Ben… Maybe
because you’re an money-grubbing opportunist?” she suggested sweetly.
Krieg raised his head and glared at her. “ Oh, thank you, Katie, for those
few kind ones. They make me feel warm down to my toes,” he replied
sarcastically. “ You really know how to kick a guy when he’s down,” he
complained mournfully.
Hitchcock clapped him on the shoulder. “ I learnt from the best,” she
answered, before getting up and walking over to Ford.
“ Aren’t you ever going to forgive me for that ‘tick-tock’ thing?” he called
after her, groaning and dropping his head back down when she didn’t turn but
continued walking jauntily away.
“ Take some advice, kid. Never get married,” Ben advised wearily, smiling
despite himself because Katie’s behind made a very cheering view.
William Shakespeare.